The family that laughs together...

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by anything being searched for on the internet but an extraordinary amount of people have come to my blog looking for ways to humiliate their husband. I feel bad because, although I did post about humiliating my husband last July, there's just not really that many opportunities to make your husband participate in an Independence Day parade with a decorated stroller. And I have a feeling that's not what these ladies are looking for.

Truth is, I actually like my husband. I may joke that I married him for the health insurance, but really, I married him because I knew this was a guy I'd never get tired of hanging out with. How can you go wrong with someone who makes you laugh that hard?


We actually met at an audition for a comedy sketch/improv group. I saw this cute guy and thought, "Man, I hope he's funny." He was and the rest is history.

However, there is one thing that he's lacking and it has to do with his upbringing. You see, my husband grew up in rural North Dakota. You can imagine that, out in the middle of nowhere, you might be lacking a few things. So sometimes when people make jokes about certain things, hubby has no idea what they're talking about.

Namely? Sigmund the Sea Monster, HR Puff-N-Stuff, Schoolhouse Rock, Laff-A-Lympics, need I go on? That's right, horror of horrors, he was deprived of ABC growing up. And yet somehow, we manage to stay together.

So, as you can see, I really don't have any advice about ways to humiliate your husband. I mean, unless you can make him:
- wear a red wig and a little blue dress and talk in a French accent like Madeline
- do his impression of the Coppertone girl (this one I can't describe but I'm laughing just thinking about it)
- wear a shirt that you bought that says, "I wish I were a man so I could join the Navy"
- watch America's Next Top Model
- scream like a 12-year-old girl as he comes down a waterslide


OK, yes, I have done all of the above, but it was all in good fun and my hubby was happy to do it for the reward of me laughing until I cried. I suppose the humiliating part is me posting it for the world to see. Love ya, honey!

My Plans, My Beautiful Plans

Last week was my first week not working full time. Oh, the plans I had! I was finally going to catch up on my writing, do some fun things I'd been putting off, and even, believe it or not, clean the house.

Because, thanks to our scrimping and saving while I was working, we are still going to be able to keep our nanny. Although, for some reason, saying I have a nanny makes me feel so guilty. Like people are going to think I spend my useless days getting mani-pedis, shopping, and lunching with "the girls."

I really have to learn to stop caring what anyone thinks, but, until then, we'll just call her a babysitter.

Anyway, I was so excited on Sunday night, looking at my To Do list for the week. Then, I got the call. The babysitter had a family emergency and had to leave town for at least one week, maybe two.

Noooooo!

Now, don't get me wrong. I was also looking forward to once again being able to take Baby Girl to the park and storytime at the library and music class at the Y. I was picturing all the fun stuff we'd do. Then, when she got tired and cranky, I'd hand her off to the babysitter, smile and wave goodbye.

Oh, ha ha ha, my sides. That'll teach me to make selfish plans.

Now, I'm sitting here on Sunday night just dreaming of being able to shower in peace or check email without someone trying to climb up my leg to bang on the keyboard.


Baby Girl has never been one to play independently. She's really easy going and happy as long as she has your FULL attention. And she knows when you have one eye on her and the other on something else.

So, I will spend the next week as I spent the last. Throwing out the To Do list, learning patience and doing a lot of tummy kissing.

Exhaustion, Thy Name is Mother

I drove down to Orange County yesterday to help a friend out. She needed someone to babysit for her and, now that I'm not working, I was more than happy to help. Baby Girl and I hopped in the car and headed down.

When we got there, Baby Girl was thrilled with the huge selection of new toys, while my friend's daughter was less than happy with the prospect of being left with me. After she calmed down, we played games, sang songs over and over and ran around the house for hours...

What? I've only been here 30 minutes? Holy crap! I was totally wiped out and still had 2 hours to go. I started seriously reconsidering the plan for a second baby.

Thank god Baby Girl can't say, "Again!" My throat still hurts today from all that singing!

I think nature gives us a break by having babies develop slowly, so you can ease into the activity level little by little. Because just jumping into toddler level activity is pretty frightening.

Needless to say, I never thought driving home in rush hour traffic would seem relaxing.

Although I have to admit, it was pretty cool to have such an appreciative audience. There are a lot worse ways to spend an afternoon than listening to two little girls giggling at your every move.

I'm starting to think I should start my own series of DVDs - Comedy for Kids. I'll have stuffed animals on screen that make fart noises. Genius!

So long, suckers!

You're finally quitting your job. Imagine your last week. Taking it easy, going out to lunch, packing up your desk, maybe wrapping up a couple of projects?

Nope.

My last week was hell on earth. Silly me. I thought it would be cake. After all, I quit, right? Shouldn't that mean I don't have to care anymore?

So why am I screaming in my car at 5:30 on Thursday, desperate to get through rush hour traffic to the one FedEx location that accepts packages until 6? Damn my work ethic, damn it all to hell!

Although, it did make it extremely, painfully clear that I was making the right decision. You see, I was hired as a senior executive. I was going to be making important strategic decisions that helped plan the company direction.

HAHHAHAH! Oh, it would be funny if it weren't so painful.

Instead, I ended up making copies and ordering t-shirts. Really exciting. Really fulfilling. Really glad I took that pay cut for this opportunity.

Ok, so yes, I'm still a little bitter. But life really is too short to be miserable. And it's way too short to have to work with people who have no respect or trust for their co-workers.

I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take this anymore! Sorry, went a little Network there for a second.

The great thing is that now that I've been both a stay at home mom, a work at home mom and a working mom, I am eminently qualified to tell you how you should live your life. Stay tuned!

They're baaack!

Yes, it's true. I've finally returned. So many of you have asked me what was happening that I decided it was time to get back to writing. Well, ok, maybe only one or two people asked, but that was certainly enough for me!

I can't believe my last post was 6 months ago. At first, I thought I would just take a month off to shake the sickos surfing for p.o.r.n. Then, I took a full time job. Between that, writing, making short films, baby wrangling, and living life, I never seemed to have time to blog.

And to tell the truth, I didn't miss the pressure. See, I started the blog as a lazy way to update friends and family about Baby Girl. I was surprised when people I didn't know personally started dropping in, reading the blog and posting comments.

Suddenly, I felt like I had better be entertaining and started second-guessing my posts. Were they funny enough? Did they have enough punch? Posts started taking longer because I couldn't stop editing them.

So, I gave up. And the job became extremely time consuming and stressful, so everything else fell by the wayside. But now I've been inspired by a few friends' new blogs (www.ladaddy.com and www.lamommy.com) and am back in the game!

There's so many updates that I'll try to summarize quickly here and maybe expand on some in other posts:

I took a full time job at the end of October (at a film company that shall remain nameless)
The hubby and I ran the Honolulu Marathon in early December
Baby Girl took her first steps during the holidays
I had surgery at the end of December (thanks marathon!)
Baby Girl turned one in January
We all went to the Sundance Film Festival
I quit my nameless job and my last full time day is March 9 (YAY!)
We made 4 more short films, which will be available online soon

I'm sure there's a lot more that happened in the last 6 months, but that's plenty for now. One thing that hasn't happened yet? Baby Girl sleeping through the night. Yes, I'm one of those lucky parents!

I'll leave with one of my favorite recent photos of Baby Girl - if you look closely, she's...um...indicating that yes indeed, she is now one year old!