For whom the sleep tolls...

Have you ever been so tired that you had to look down to make sure you remembered to wear pants? Welcome to my morning.

Baby Girl did her screaming act until 2 a.m. last night. I told the hubby that someone must have called Child Protective Services by now because it sure sounded like we were killing her.

We tried a long walk, reading books, singing lullabies, smothering her with a pillow, nothing worked. I even tried driving her around the neighborhood at 1 a.m. with no luck.

At 1:30, she was bouncing up and down on my stomach like it was the bull at Saddle Ranch. I was so tired I almost fell asleep anyway.

Finally, she couldn't keep her eyes open any more and down she went, like Horshack in that fight with Screech. OK, so I'm a little loopy tonight.

And tonight? She went right to sleep. What the hell?!?!?!

I guess I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but I still can't relax. Every sound I hear, I think it's her and she's going to start screaming.

The sleep deprivation toll so far?

• One set of lost keys including the only back up key and alarm fob for one car
  
  
• One accidental ladder-meets-lip incident for Baby Girl and daddy
  
  
• One rear ending (with the car people - we're way too tired for that!) and, of course, the other car just had to be a Porsche

I really hope this whole horrible phase is over because we can't afford to lose any more sleep!

Sleepless Nights

I haven't had the energy to blog lately because my daughter has decided that, rather than going happily to sleep at 8:30 every night, a much better option would be to scream for 2 or 2 and a half hours.

Usually, we put her in her crib and all is quiet for about 5-10 minutes. Every night we think it's finally over and she's going to go to sleep. But it's only the calm before the storm.

Suddenly the screaming begins. When you get to her room, her face is all puffy and red and wet with tears. It's pretty horrifying. Even if we sit in her room with her, as long as she remains in that crib, she screams.

The only solution is to take her back out of the crib, put her in the stroller and go for a walk. She passes out in about 3 seconds, we put her back in the crib and she usually stays out. Unless, like tonight, she wakes back up and begins the rounds of screaming again.

This has been going on for a little over a week now and I don't know what to do. I can deal with letting her cry for a set period of minutes but, people, this IS NOT crying. This is top-of-her-lungs, someone-is-killing-me screaming.

I just want my "goodnight, baby, love you" right to sleep baby back! For now, I'm sticking with "goodnight, baby girl, sleep well, I'll most likely kill you in the morning!"

Sign of the Times

I know I said I was going to post some cute pics of Baby Girl next but I've been too dang lazy to do it and realized I had better post something. Big thanks to everyone who replied and emailed after my last post. It's always nice to feel love and support.

Baby Girl has been amazing lately. She's turning into the sweetest little kid. All love and hugs and kisses. I'm trying to enjoy this because I know the terrible tantrums are coming.

Although I really think sign language is the key to her easy-going nature. I'm usually not a big pusher of anything to do with parenting. I mean, who the hell am I to say what's right? Not to mention that I'm afraid to tell anyone how I parent because I'll have to listen to a 30-minute rant about how I'm doing it wrong, whatever it is.

Still, I find myself raving about signing to anyone who'll listen. Well, anyone who asks anyway.

I'll be at the park with Baby Girl and she'll sign "swings" or "slide" or something and another mom will say, "Oh, you're doing sign language?" The next thing I know I'm giving out websites and recommending videos. I can't stop!

I'm such a freak about it because it's working so well for us. Baby Girl very rarely gets upset because she can just tell us what she wants in sign. (Although it doesn't stop her from getting upset when she can't have what she signs.)

We started signing to her when she was born but she didn't show any interest at all. At around 9 months, I told the hubby that she couldn't care less about signing. Then, we decided to try watching Signing Time on PBS. Ding, ding, ding!

Suddenly, Baby Girl started signing away. Her first sign was "dog" due to her fascination with ours and it didn't stop. For her first birthday, we bought her the Baby Signing Time DVD and CD sets and she is obsessed with them.

I was one of those people who swore my child wouldn't watch TV for the first 2 years but, damn, these Signing Time shows are amazing. We sit and watch them together and BG signs along and has even started singing along with the songs, which are horribly catchy. Well, if you can call it singing. I'll have to figure out how to post video of her doing it. It's pretty funny.

About two months ago, every time we'd get in the car, Baby Girl would start making this horrible screeching noise and just wouldn't stop. It took us a few weeks to remember those CDs and out they went to the car. Sure enough, BG now sits happily in the car and signs along.

She's learned to say "thank you" and "sorry" and "please" although I have to admit sometimes I regret that. She'll ask you to do something that she can't (like go outside at night) and when you say no, she'll look at you really sweet and sign "please" over and over. THAT is really hard to say no to!

But I'm staying strong. I've only let her play in the street twice. What? She said please!

I can't figure out a way to end this so I'll just end the way I started - lazily.


FYI - This is sign language for all done or finished.

Not a Happy Post

I've had such a hard time with this post. It took me a week to be able to write it and then days to be able to post it. I couldn't figure out what to say or how to say it but finally decided just to come right out and say it.

We lost the baby.

At the LA Blogger party, I was talking about the ultrasound I had on Friday and how it wasn't fun at all. Usually the technicians are all talkative and showing you the baby and this one was kind of weird. I thought it was just her.

Turns out though that the baby didn't have a heartbeat and, of course, she couldn't say anything to me. Now I feel bad for her. That can't be a fun part of the job.

Anyway, the doctor called me on Monday with the news. I clung to the hope that the machine had malfunctioned until we went to the doctor's office on Tuesday and she confirmed that there was no mistake.

I think everyone's first reaction to something like this is guilt. You wonder what you did wrong - maybe I shouldn't have taken that Spinning class or drank that Diet Coke. I, of course, started thinking that it was punishment for some horrible inappropriate jokes I've made.

But, really, that's all crap. If fetuses can hang in there while their moms do heroin, I think they're pretty hardy. As the doctor pointed out, if something goes wrong at this point, it's most likely due to a genetic defect in the baby.

I mean, in the big scheme of things, this is a sad disappointment, not a tragedy. It just sets back our plans a few months. And we're very lucky for the way it happened. It could have been much worse. Still, it took me a few days to feel better about it.

One thing that's amazed me in the past week is learning how many women I know who've had a miscarriage. I guess it's not something you talk about often but it's been really comforting to hear about everyone's experiences. I suppose that's why I finally decided I had to post.

That's what blogging is all about, right? Being able to share the shit along with the good times. Next up, cute pictures of Baby Girl!

Bloggers Unmasked

I was feeling really guilty about not posting for a while because I’ve been so tired and uninspired. Saturday night, I headed out to the LA Blogger party, hosted by LA Daddy. There I met some great people and found out I’m not the only reluctant blogger in the bunch.

We ended up not being able to find a babysitter so it was the hubby, Baby Girl and myself. We told LA Daddy we’d set up a room for anyone else who had to bring the kids but turns out we’re the only losers who can’t find a sitter. We did have a good reason though as it was one of our good friends 30th birthday and most of our sitters were hanging out there.

Anyway, we still had a great time chatting with everyone. Well, I did anyway. The hubby spent most of his evening chasing Baby Girl around the house and away from the temptingly lit in-ground Jacuzzi.

I was happy to meet Stefanie from Baby on Bored, who I knew was funny and cool from reading her blog, but was doubly-so in person. I also had a great time chatting with some new people and catching up on their blogs afterwards - Suebob from Red Stapler and Kevin Charnas and his partner Will, although I thought his spandex outfit and feather boa was a bit much. Kidding! To see what Kevin really looks like, you can see the pics on LA Daddy’s site. Love your card by the way! Nice job, Will.

I really should have taken notes because I talked with so many people whose blogs I now can't remember. I'd blame it on the alcohol but I didn't drink, dammit. Oh, I didn't even mention LA Mommy, although we're already friends so it almost doesn't count. Oh, and my new favorite blog name, Down With Pants.

We chatted about some fun ideas for blog posts, although I think I’m going to stay away from the fetish idea. I already get enough weird hits here.