Wishing I Was Pregnant

I haven't really posted about this because I wasn't sure how to get started. It's still a little weird for me to put certain things out here but it seems like that's how you find people who understand what you're going through.

We are trying for a second baby right now. I've always wanted to have my kids be close in age and to get through the diaper phase for all the kids as quickly as possible. We would have started trying earlier but I had to wait until after my surgery, which finally happened in late December.

I was really excited in February when I started having those familiar pregnancy signs - falling asleep on the couch every night, having no appetite, feeling weepy. Then my period was late. Whoo hoo! Big belly, here we come!


I took a pregnancy test and it had a really faint positive line but wasn't conclusive - exactly the same as when I was pregnant with Baby Girl. A few days later, I took another test and this time it was negative. I was really surprised and then I got my period a day later.

Total bummer. I started thinking about how things change so much in your life. When you're younger and praying that you're NOT pregnant, you're so relieved when you get your period or that test is negative. Now, it's the total opposite - so disappointing when it doesn't happen.

We decided to use an ovulation tracking kit to maximize our chances in March. Only I didn't ovulate. I ended up going to the doctor for some tests and it seems that I had an early miscarriage.

Apparently, 30 percent of women have experienced an early miscarriage, before most even knew they were pregnant. Since I've been pregnant before, I just happened to know the signs intimately.

I'm not really that sad about the miscarriage. I know it means that it wasn't a viable pregnancy and actually consider myself lucky that it occurred so early.

What I'm most disappointed about is that I probably won't ovulate for a few months now. It's kind of silly because I know that a lot of women would kill to be able to get pregnant at all and all this means is that our plans are going to be postponed for a little bit.

I was just really excited about having another baby before the end of the year and about being pregnant at the same time as friends.

And, dammit, I really wanted another one of these!