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Friday, July 07, 2006

How to Humiliate a Husband

First off, I should say that I am extremely lucky. My husband is a great guy - he cooks, he cleans and he is a fabulous father to Baby Girl. He brings home the bacon and fries it up in the pan. But that's not why I married him. Nope, I married him for his sense of humor...that, and the health insurance.

He's always willing to make an ass out of himself for me and that's one of his most endearing qualities. And it's one that I exploit constantly.

One of the things on our agenda last weekend, along with several BBQs and hanging with Dustin Hoffman, was a neighborhood block party. We were heading out when I remembered that there was a stroller decorating contest with prizes.

Now, there are two things that turn me into a overly giddy 12-year-old -- free food and potential prizes. Free food is so awesome! When I was acting, I would even get excited about doing extra work because of craft service. I would happily PA on friend's films just for the donuts and Rice Krispie treats.

And prizes! Don't even get me started on those. I don't care if it's a pack of gum - I am competing, dammit!

Obviously, there was no way I was going to the block party without decorating Baby Girl's stroller. The hubby and I quickly consulted our prop room in the garage (for sketch/improv comedy, get your minds out of the gutter!). We chose sports jerseys from Finland, Portugal and Jamaica, a referee shirt, a giant green sombrero, a beret, and a Mardi Gras mask and beads.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the World Cup!

Nothing like a little stereotyping to get you in the mood to celebrate America's independence.

With Baby Girl ready for primetime, we headed to the block party. As I placed our homemade brownies (we were assigned to bring dessert by virtue of the first letter of our last name) on the food table, I perused the other offerings.

Now, when I hear potluck, I think homemade casseroles, spinach dip, cookies, etc. As giddy as any type of free food makes me, I'm not sure I count a bag of Pirate's Booty as an appetizer or...hey, cupcakes! Mmmm.

Happy again, I take a look around to judge the competition. Only 3 or 4 other parents bothered to decorate their strollers. And all of them went with boring patriotic themes - red, white and blue and flags. Booo-rrring! We so have this in the bag with our creative interpretation.

And here's our big moment - they announce the competition is beginning...with a parade. Would everyone who decorated their stroller line up for the patriotic themed decorating contest?

Oh shit. Um, I guess I should have read the invite more closely. The hubby looks at me, ready to pack it in. I shake my head. No, you don't! You get out there and parade with your bad self. He hesitates for just a moment, then grabs a couple of plastic red/white/blue top hats, slaps the beret on his head and joins the parade.

I nearly pee myself laughing as he makes the rounds with the other strollers. After, we head back for consolation cupcakes. I overhear the judges conferring about the prize awarding and the head judge actually says, "I think we should give it to for...uh...creativity."

That's right, instead of one of those life lessons about following directions and paying attention, blah, blah, blah, we take third prize! I am beside myself with glee over our $15 gift certificate.

As you can see, Baby Girl is as thrilled as I am with the whole thing. I guess I've still got some time to instill that killer instinct. And, more importantly, the overwhelming love of free cupcakes.


At 12:06 PM, Anonymous Husband said...

In my defense, I play too much online poker, I don't fill the water bottles every night and I put the spoons the wrong way up in the dishwasher.

Other than that everything stated is true. I hope Baby Girl enjoys humiliating her old man just as much as her mom.

At 9:01 AM, Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

Now THAT is awesome. Ahahahahahaha.


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